How to announce a breakup: the complete guide
From the start of each relationship, we invest time and energy, while hoping that it will last forever.
Only, it very often happens that one is forced to make the difficult decision to separate from one’s partner.
If you realize that there is no possible future between the two of you, it might be time to announce a breakup.
Leaving someone you’ve had a good time with is far from the easiest and most pleasant thing to do.
However, if you wait too long before you break up, it can hurt both your life partner and yourself.
So don’t make things more painful than they already are. With this comprehensive guide, find out how to announce a breakup in the least hurtful way possible.
Why announce the breakup?
During the relationship, it can happen that one of the partners realizes the probability of an imminent break-up.
When you realize that the relationship is going nowhere and you can no longer see the future together, it is more than necessary to end the relationship.
In addition, you are certainly not the only person to see that the relationship capsizes because the partner generally makes the same observation.
The advantage when you decide to adopt this solution is the fact of not camping in a common life that does not make you happy.
So, instead of torturing the partner and torturing oneself, the best would be to consider the separation of the couple. Although painful, this step is beneficial because it allows you to feel relieved.
Furthermore, even in the case where the relationship is in tatters, it is not easy to be the person announcing the breakup.
This person generally takes on the “wrong role” and is considered the person who breaks hearts.
Sometimes it’s even better to be the tackler in order to play the victim.
This shows how delicate it can be to announce the break-up of the relationship, so you have to be very sure that this is what you want before taking action.
How do you know when you’re ready to break up?
Sometimes it becomes apparent that despite all the efforts made to advance the relationship, no change is recorded.
After the many times that we have invited our partner to change a behavior that does not suit us, the times that we have tried to improve the situation, the dynamics of the relationship have still not changed.
At this precise moment, we realize that there is a huge irreversible chasm that stands in terms of projects, values or even emotions.
To make things happen, we adopt a more radical solution which consists in changing our own behavior.
When we get to this point, it means that we have exhausted all possible means to try to save what is still left of the relationship.
This journey can last several months or several years. At the end of this journey, if nothing has evolved so far, we generally realize on a personal level that it is time to move forward.
In addition, it is generally possible that the partner believes that your efforts to maintain privacy were insufficient.
This sometimes leads to misunderstandings, resentments and possible reproaches.
We know that we have reached the point of no return in a relationship when we are faced with certain consequences.
Among these consequences, one can cite the perpetual arguments, the distance in the relation, the weariness which is felt, the routine which tends to tarnish the life of couple, the feelings which diminish and even even disappear, or again the fault committed which you consider unforgivable.
When you are in front of these criteria, the best thing to do is to break away.
How to start the conversation to announce the breakup?
Breaking up is a process that includes a grieving stage. This usually begins before making the announcement.
Mourning may have started subtly months before, with the role of gradually making us give up the relationship.
The conversation one envisages with one’s partner depends greatly on the position one occupies in this grieving process.
Initially, when one is very advanced and that one notes the evidence of the separation, the manner of announcing the rupture will be more direct.
On the other hand, if you are very early in the process, the situation will be different. It is better to start by talking about yourself and your feelings.
We must make it clear to the other that we are no longer in tune with the couple, that we no longer feel happy. The person should know that we no longer find the happiness we need.
Then the next step is to ask the other what he thinks of it, and whether he has also made this observation or not.
The thing especially not to do, it is to attack directly his or her partner by accusing him / her of no longer being able to fill us. Above all, it should not be accused of having become too lazy and too careless.
The importance of this discussion lies in the fact that during the exchange, we can suddenly become aware of something that we had not seen and that was passing before our noses.
However, even if there is a glimmer of hope during the moment of confidence, the feelings already seem so damaged that it is not obvious to consider continuing the relationship.
Instead of trying to put the pieces together, it is more than imperative to put an end to the relationship immediately after the confidential phase.
This should be easier to accept on the part of the partner, since we will have spread all the shortcomings of the couple and we will have taken time to think.
You need to show courage and face your partner to tell him things clearly, without running away.
Should we mention it if we leave for someone?
It is advisable to always dissociate the two announcements: “I don’t love you anymore” or “I am no longer happy with you” is completely different from “I met someone else”.
Most of the time, the separation is not always due to the meeting of another person.
But if this is the case, it is better to start by marking his distance from the couple, indicating to the person that there is no longer any satisfaction, but above all keeping the existence of the new relationship in silence for some time to do not hurt the person you are separating from.
It is a way to show him respect for all the time spent together and a way not to contribute to inflame him.
However, to avoid guilt, some people find it less difficult to be left for another relationship.
Tell him it’s over: the right method
Separation is both difficult and painful, causing pain and sadness in the person you have loved.
The fact of having to express to the other his desire to leave can represent a situation of destabilization. Many fear the reaction of the other, which leads them to close in on themselves.
It also happens that at this precise moment, we decide to extend the deadline because we do not know how to go about doing the least harm to the person.
You should be aware that extending the deadline will not change anything except making it more difficult for both of you.
This is a normal reaction because you feel guilty about the pain that you will inflict on your partner.
To do this, you put yourself in the place of the person who has shared your life for months or even years.
You tell yourself that you would not like us to do to you what you plan to do to him.
Do not mistake yourself ! No matter which method you use, you cannot avoid the person hurting because a break is and will remain a break.
Admittedly, there is no suitable time to announce the breakup itself, however you can still use a few means to make yourself understood by reducing the pain felt by your partner.
The first thing to do is to find a suitable setting where you can speak face to face without being disturbed. To break up a relationship is simply to tell it is over.
It is also the time to reveal to him the reason for the separation. It is only by this means that you and your partner will be able to move forward as quickly as possible.
To not regret anything, there is no question of beating around the bush and saying things clearly. Starting to recognize your own mistakes is a very important step.
You must then indicate what the relationship has had positive before mentioning the main reason why you decide to break up.
It sometimes happens that the person who decides to break up does not have enough courage to face his or her partner face to face.
In this case, the thing especially not to do, is to send an sms because that expresses some cowardice. It is necessary to proceed by telephone call out of respect for the person.
You can also choose a carefully written letter by choosing the right words for the situation.
In any case, you will have to tell him that you no longer feel comfortable in the relationship in the simplest way possible.
Use firm but not too dry words for fear of hurting the person. Subtlety is therefore necessary!
Can you ease the pain of the person you are leaving?
Once the separation has been declared, the best thing to do is to recognize the pain that the other is experiencing.
This is why it is important to show him respect and not do too much to avoid overloading of emotions.
In some cases, the person announcing the breakup is found hostage by the blackmail of his or her partner who can go as far as the suicide attempt.
As a precaution, it is preferable to explain the situation to the entourage of the person you decide to leave. In this way, one cannot in any case find oneself trapped by the suicidal desire of the other.
Is physical or even geographic distance necessary after separation?
It is often recommended to stay close by communication because it is a way to support each other in order to get through the difficult ordeal of separation.
On the other hand, when you have a conflicting history, cutting bridges allows you to move away from the conflict.
It is therefore depending on the nature of the relationship at the base that we know whether to move away or not after the breakup.
How to announce a separation: the principles to respect
When announcing your desire to break up, you must observe certain basic principles so that this happens in the best possible way. Here are some necessary tips that will help you.
Try one last time
Before proceeding with the actual separation, you should always make sure that this is absolutely what you want.
It would be wrong to play with someone’s feelings just to get their attention.
If you want to reassure yourself, make the effort once again to discuss your relationship problems with your partner. State your feelings one last time to draw their attention to what you want.
In case it doesn’t work, there is no question of giving the person false hope.
On the contrary, start to consider the breakup and the way you are going to announce it because a sporadic breakup is the worst thing to consider.
Breakups that occur sporadically tend to leave the partner in complete confusion.
To remedy this, you must indicate how critical the situation is for you to put the flea in his ear that you are about to leave.
Don’t blame yourself
There is no need to blame yourself for hurting your partner.
This is useless since your decision is made and it will allow you to get out of a vicious circle in which you were not happy.
Instead of meditating on what you are about to do, it is better to keep in mind the experience you have had with this person.
We always learn from life experience.
Choose the right time
What is especially important when you want to announce a breakup, is the fact of choosing the right time to do it (and therefore the setting). This principle helps prevent slippage in case it degenerates.
For example, if you choose to do it in the middle of a meal, it could be the general mess with plates that fly everywhere, and a meal that does not pass.
Choose words carefully
When you decide to break up, it’s all in the speech! This is why you have to choose your words carefully so as not to arouse anger in the person.
Most importantly, it’s best to avoid boat phrases like:
- You really are the person I loved the most in the world
- You are a great person but I don’t deserve you
Don’t decide on your friendship
Couples who have just separated tend to turn their past relationship into friendship.
This is a big mistake! A friendship like that will not necessarily be sincere because the two ex-partners always feel close enough.
It is therefore difficult to envisage a break-up when you still feel close enough. it is even more complicated to move on to something else under these conditions.
The best thing to do is give yourself some space so that you can both focus on your own needs. When that is done, then consider a platonic relationship with your ex.
To avoid hurting your former partner, you can use suitable sentences such as:
- I think it’s better if we focus on ourselves for now.
- We can talk about being friends someday in the future, but not now.
- Let’s give ourselves time to move on.
Keep your goal firmly while remaining polite
When you announce the breakup with your partner, you must absolutely anticipate their reaction. Generally, the feelings most expressed by the other person are anger, pain, distress, or sadness.
However, you are not required to suppress these feelings.
By planning for what is going to happen, plan the things you want to say and stick to your decision no matter what happens. The chances of your ex-partner reacting negatively are high.
This is why you must make sure that he or she still feels respected and understood. The thing not to do in this situation is not to give false hope. You can use sentences like:
- I know it hurts to hear that, but I think it’s the best thing to do.
- I’m sorry that you feel like this, but I think we should always split up.
- I know it’s not what you wanted, but it may be exactly what we need for ourselves.
You should know that when you decide to end a romantic relationship, it is a long-thought-out decision with worthwhile reasons.
Even though it is a decision that brings sadness and pain, these are just passing feelings. The break is necessary because it opens you to new horizons.