When you love someone, I think it’s easy to turn a blind eye to the parts that you don’t like or that are imperfect – the parts that don’t correspond to our idea of what they are. It’s easy to say to yourself: “It was a bad day”, “It was my fault”, “I was wrong.”
Because it’s simpler, isn’t it? We punish ourselves and take its bad behavior as if it were ours. It’s easier to take the role of the one who is wrong, than to accept the fact, that the only person who is supposed to protect us, love us and cherish us, is the one who keeps us away from each other.
But dear adorable girl, it’s not your fault, none of it is! You see, just because it doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean it’s abusive behavior.
If he doesn’t want to listen to you when you try to talk to him about something that hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, that’s abuse. If he gets angry and calls you crazy when you tell him that his flattering comments on photos of girls on social networks bother you, it’s violence.
If he tells you that what you think you saw between him and these women it is “only in your head”, that you are “imagining”, that you are, “so insecure that it makes you jealous ”Means that you cannot trust him and that he is abusing him.
If every argument you’ve had ends up being your fault, if you end up wondering if you’re really mad, if you have deep problems and need therapy, if you always come back to believe that you have caused the argument and you are the reason your relationship is falling apart, you are being abused.
Because not all injuries are physical, yet they hurt just as much.
So please listen to me when I tell you that it’s okay to be upset if you disrespect yourself and your relationship. And you are right to want to confront him if you think he is behaving inappropriately with other women.
You have the right to be heard when you think your relationship is not earning you as much as you give it. You have the right to be upset if he likes looking at photos of other, half-naked girls.
You have the right to ask her about the girl who keeps texting her. You have the right to talk about things that make you anxious, jealous, or out of your pump.
It doesn’t make you crazy, irrational or overly emotional. This does not mean that you have “serious problems” or an inability to trust.
It just means that you are human, that you have feelings, that you have lived; which means that sometimes you are anxious, you are afraid of losing someone, and sometimes you may think that you are not good enough.
All that does not mean that these things are true. And this is no reason to let yourself be silenced by anyone.
Because when someone really loves you, they will love you completely. He will love the parts of you that are fearful, the parts of you that question yourself, that are worried and that feel frightened.
He will listen to you whenever you need to speak, when you need clarification, comfort and love. You will have the power to express yourself, to feel free, to know that you are being listened to.
He will make sure that his behavior never goes beyond the limits, they will always act so that you feel loved, wanted and safe. Whatever happens, he will always be there to listen to you, to understand you and to support you. He will always invest in the relationship as much as you do.
Because relationships work in both directions, it is about giving and receiving, listening and speaking. A relationship, where one of the two sticks to the other each time he or she tries to talk about something sensitive, is not a true love relationship.
A relationship where a party feels constantly overlooked, neglected and small is not a relationship worthy of respect. A relationship where a person is always afraid to open their mouth, to ask for more, to ask for better, to seek what they deserve, is not a relationship at all.
It is psychological violence.