What nobody tells you about narcissists is that they excel in disguise and a girl going out with a narcissist will only realize it when it is too late.
When she’s alone, broken and forced to pick up her own crumbs. It will take him an immense amount of time to heal because after having frequented a narcissist, the consequences are immense.
A girl who has been with a narcissist will see her self-esteem wiped out .
Following her relationship with a narcissist, she will be completely lost. Her self-esteem will be at a low point – if she has any left, once that narcissist is done with her. She will lose her dignity, all the love and faith that she could have had in her before this narcissist entered her life.
A girl who has been with a narcissist will be vulnerable and constantly frightened.
The consequences after dating a toxic man will be extremely visible even if she does her best to hide her fear or the fact that everything in the world touches her; she will not succeed. Everything in her – her eyes, the way she behaves if a stranger approaches her – everything will signify her great vulnerability resulting from her past.
A girl who has been with a narcissist will only smile because she has to.
She will not want to smile but to prevent her loved ones from worrying, she will dress her face with a smile. She will forget what it is like to be happy and will not have laughed out loud for a very long time. This is the price she will have to pay for allowing a narcissist to enter her life.
A girl who has been with a narcissist will avoid talking about what happened.
It will develop its own defense mechanisms. She will be on her guard, she will avoid people and will try to occupy herself as much as possible to forget what she had to go through and the hell she lived by confronting the consequences of her relationship with a narcissist.
A girl who has been with a narcissist will have best friends, anxiety and depression.
Perhaps this was not the case at the start. Perhaps she was not anxious or depressed, but going out with a narcissist came at a price. Generally, anxiety and depression are the side effects of a toxic relationship and it will take some time before you feel “normal” again.
Recovering from a relationship with a narcissist and its consequences will not be easy .
Healing will be long and difficult and many will not understand why it is so long and why it has not yet “passed over”. Only those who care enough about it will stay as much as it needs. Only those who really love him will be by his side all along and they will be his greatest support because he will be unable to cope on his own.
A girl who has been with a narcissist forgets that there is good in humans.
You have a hard time understanding this because you have probably never experienced anything like this and you should feel happy to have escaped it. Unfortunately, this was not his case. She fell in love with the bad boy and lost so much there. But the worst part is that she thinks that there is no longer any good person in the world. She is unable to see him because her past has forced her to see her executioner in each of the people she meets.
She does not recover from a lost love or even a failed relationship but from a real war.
She will not recover so easily from what happened to her. It will take longer than you think. And your impatience will only hurt her. If you don’t help it, at least try not to make it worse by judging it.
Do you think she does not want to be normal, happy or to become as she was before landing in the lair of a narcissist? She would like to, but she just doesn’t know how to do it.
She needs to be constantly reassured.
It’s been a long time since she forgot what it was like to be fearless – not to be terrified or to have to be careful. She forgot what it was like not to see evil everywhere.
So, she will need you to tell her regularly that the nightmare is over and that everything will be fine. She will need you to tell her that she no longer needs to be afraid and that she no longer has to worry because now you are there and will be her rock.
She will find it very difficult to trust.
Her past taught her not to trust anyone because the one she thought was closest to her only brought her closer to hell. This is why she will be skeptical as soon as someone tries to enter her life.
She will be suspicious of every good deed towards her, thinking that she will have to pay for it later – and that she will pay for a very long time.
She will need time before welcoming someone else into her life or loving again.
Love is now a strange and unknown feeling in his eyes. What she thought was love finally turned into an extremely toxic feeling that made her a prisoner held back by her executioner.
She will refrain from developing feelings for someone – especially love. Here’s how bruised she is.
She will constantly apologize. Because she has gone through hell, she will have this need to apologize – even when it is not worth it. She learned that the best way to avoid emotional abuse was to take responsibility for everything and that was what she did when she went out with a narcissist.
She will have a very hard time getting rid of this so don’t be surprised when you hear her say “I’m sorry” for a tiny thing. It is a defense mechanism and will take time to get rid of.
She will hide her feelings.
In his previous relationship with a narcissist, “feeling” always had a price. The more she expressed his feelings, the more he treated her badly. This is why you will have difficulty knowing what she really feels.
She will be afraid of being clingy, too sentimental, too sensitive or even boring you with all her emotions. She will be afraid that you do not understand so she will choose the easiness and choose to stifle what she feels.
His recovery will not be easy.
She will have frequent mood swings. She will often want to isolate herself and she will protect her heart more than anyone else. She will need to be constantly reassured – you will have to prove to her, day after day that you are there, that you are not going to leave and that you understand what happened to her.
You will have to show her that she is not alone, that you take care of her and that, together, you will be able to overcome everything that will happen. She will need a lot of time and may never become the person you want her to be. And all of this will be overwhelming at times.
But it’s worth it.
It is not her fault that she is like that now. She just doesn’t know how to live otherwise. She is extraordinary – or at least she was before falling into the clutches of a narcissist – but she will get better.
It will take a lot of work but she will eventually become a normal person again.
She needs someone who shows her that there are still good people on earth. She deserves someone who will not only speak but who will also be there for her, who will make promises to her and keep them.
She needs someone who will put her first after being the last priority for so long. She needs someone to show her that she counts and a shoulder to spill on.
She needs someone who helps her heal and who shows her that life has more to offer her than what she has experienced with a narcissist. She needs a good man in order to free herself from the consequences of her relationship with a narcissist.
So if you care about her, care about her enough to be that good man. She deserves the love she gave to the wrong person. She deserves to count.
This extraordinary girl still exists in her. This girl ready to conquer the world and destined to live fully still exists – she simply disappeared for a moment because she was broken and then frightened. Show her that she needn’t be afraid and all your efforts will make sense once she has recovered.