It is as painful as going through hell, but you have to admit that it is better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by lies. Because sooner or later the truth will surface and if it is later than sooner, it will be all the more painful.
It is not that complicated. If he wants to be with you, he will be with you.
I know it’s easier to think it’s complicated. I know it’s less painful to blame it on timing or anything else, just to avoid blaming him. And that’s why you’ve been waiting so long. This is why you have never given up hope and this is why you have managed to convince yourself that one day perhaps, it would not be complicated anymore and that your wait would finally take on meaning. And it is for all these reasons that you have not ceased to destroy yourself, piece by piece. Because it would never have stopped being complicated with him.
And it can be complicated in a thousand ways. He may be a moron who simply uses you to make another girl jealous or maybe he is a poisonous man who just needs someone to get rid of his anxieties. You may also have been just a springboard to occupy your time.