There is nothing worse or more painful than seeing the person you know best turn into a stranger. There is nothing worse than looking at someone you are linked to in a thousand ways and no longer recognizing them.
There is nothing worse than loving someone but having to let them go. This is how I feel now in relation to us.
I honestly don’t know what happened to us. We were soul mates, we understood each other in a single glance, you insured my back and I ensured yours, always. I didn’t even have to wonder what I meant to you, I knew I was your world, as I knew you were mine.
You respected me much more. I was your priority and whatever happened, you were always on my side. You never allowed anyone to talk badly about me behind my back. You trusted me a lot more, you loved me a lot more and you liked me a lot more than today.
We were partners. We shared everything and there was not a single fight that we did not win together.
I lay down in the evening and thanked God for putting you on my way. You were every woman’s dream. And I was hoping that we would stay like this for the rest of our days. You were the only one who gave me the impression of being the last woman in the world and honestly, nobody has ever allowed me to feel like this except you and nobody will ever get there.
But gradually our fairy tale started to fade. We looked a little bit more every day like these unhappy couples who have already spent their whole lives together and who are just tired of each other. And that’s exactly what happened. We started taking each other for granted.
You were no longer interested in impressing yourself. Whether I am happy or unhappy no longer interests you. You preferred to spend your time with someone else, when I would have given anything to have you by my side, as happy and involved as you once were.
You no longer laughed at my jokes. Nothing I did for you was enough. The things that used to amuse you at home no longer aroused any emotion in you. Nothing I do can bring the old you back. And honestly, living with this new you is like living with a roommate you don’t like. We do all the household chores together but we avoid each other as much as possible because we hate being in the presence of the other.
I wonder where has this burning desire that we feel for each other gone?
Don’t get me wrong, I still love you. When you are next to you, I have only one desire, to run my hand through your hair. I just want you to hug me and cuddle me. I still want your lips pressed against mine. I would give my life again for you.
The only future I see is with you. And as unhappy as I am, I still want to be by your side. But I think we both deserve better than that.
You see, I still love you but I don’t like you anymore. I don’t like the person you have become. I don’t like this man who doesn’t see me anymore. I don’t like this man who takes me for granted. I don’t like this man who chooses anyone over me. I do not like this man who gives me the impression of no longer being loved and wanted.
We are both unhappy in this relationship and it is for this reason that I must let you go.
I have to let you go for the good of our past. For the good of all these beautiful moments, for the good of our love. I don’t want to stay until all these beautiful moments are replaced by others that will be unpleasant. I don’t want to forget what we got. But you can’t expect me to live for the glory of days gone by. I know the love you can give and that’s why I can’t be satisfied with that, with what you give me now.
Hanging on does nothing good for us. One of us must find the courage to say goodbye and to extricate ourselves from this toxic vortex into which we have fallen. As much as it is me.
When you find yourself, I’ll be waiting for you.
It’s not farewell so please don’t see it that way. It’s just a little soon. Come back to me when you become a better version of yourself and I will wait for your return, once I too have become a better version of myself.
When you start taking your partner for granted and there is nothing you haven’t done, there is one last thing to try. Show him what your lives would be without each other. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now.
I walk away and let you go. I distance myself because I have no other choice. If you care about me, you will wake up like I woke up. If you still love me, you will reach out to catch me. And I promise I’ll be there to grab it.
Come back to me when you become the same man I fell in love with again. Because the one you are today is neither someone I recognize, nor someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.
