It seems that the men are from Mars and the women are from Venus. When you look at the gulf that sometimes separates the two s**xes, the distance seems vastly underestimated. We can lead expeditions like Jasons in search of the golden fleece, we quickly get lost in the limbo of space submerged by countless questions left unanswered. So today, we dare!
We ask the questions, we tackle the subjects, we rush into the heap, to make you feel how difficult it is sometimes to grasp the elusive femininity that is in you from the stilettos to the tips of your nails.
My dear friends of the same s**x, I am the spokesperson for your questions, even the most unacknowledged, to lay bare these mysteries that come from another planet.
Here are 10 things we would like to finally understand – whether socially, culturally or s**xually – about women, without ever daring to ask.
1. How do women pee?
This is THE thing that first came to my mind because as far back as I can remember, it was the first realization to say “girls, it’s not the same!” “
Until a certain age, the only child that I was saw girls as friends with whom you just had to be a little more careful because they often cry and a girl who cries = mum who scolds.
But the first time I saw a friend squatting behind a shrub, panties down on her ankles, I asked myself: ” What the hell the hell!” It’s not like that, she will put it everywhere! ” To my surprise, no. But by what miracle is this possible? What is this wonder?
And it was far from being resolved the day I saw for the first time what it really looked like. Worse still, my questions multiplied.
Because if for us men, things seem pretty damn good and more or less logical, with you ladies, excuse the pun, but it has no tail or head!
And it is not the cross-section of the female genitalia in my 4th year biology book that answered these questions! At a time when the internet was not what it is, I had to put these shortcomings aside until a more mature age.
2. The rules
Here again, a great question for men who have no sisters, or close cousins in adolescence. Because let’s be clear: the SVT courses given at college are certainly correct, but they remain theory!
For a long time (TV bludgeoning obliges), I thought the rules were a blue liquid that flowed just like that and eventually seemed to smell like freshness!
It seems so harmless to us that the first time a girl gave me the sentence “not tonight, I have my period” I wanted to answer her “so what? ” I know it’s horrible said like that, but you have to put yourself in the position of the total absence of reference. Not even a received idea close to reality.
It took until my first serious relationship to learn what it really looks like. The blood, the pain, the smell, etc… (yes this passage is just there to suppress the appetite of those who read while eating!).
All my teaching on this part of your femininity which you would do well without in general, was forged for me by dint of observations without ever daring to ask too much for details out of modesty on the one hand, and for fear of not understanding better on the other hand.
3. The colors
If I voluntarily placed myself in the camp of the one who is wrong on the first two points, it is now to reverse the trend! Come on men, all with me !! What? I’m all alone? Well I’m going anyway!
I dare ask you: what is your problem with colors?
I can understand the need to find shades like “fuchsia” (and more!), But why add names such as “taupe”! It’s not a color! It is a small animal, of course, but it is not a color.
Never tell your spouse that you want to repaint the room in salmon, you may have a bad surprise one evening when you come home!
It’s the same thing for “chocolate”, “cream”, “apple”, and so on…. Use simple colors. And opt for a dialogue like: “I prefer this shade of purple to this one” by designating it! Exit the “I prefer a parma to a lilac” You have been warned.
4. “It fits small”
This is the typical example of a woman’s sentence that no man has spoken in history! And that’s a phrase we’ll never understand.
For us two options: it’s okay, or it’s not. The syntax of this sentence is not even one of our options.
Ask a man to explain to you what he understands about it, there is a great chance to see him kick in touch like a politic*an practices the tongue of wood. It’s a little bit like “it goes with everything”. Yes! you say that! ” Have you seen my new pants?” I took it in black because it goes with everything! ” For men it is: “ there was more than that! “
5. The second fitting
When you’ve spent the afternoon shopping, when you come home with bags of new clothes… I guess in stores, before you buy them, in the vast majority of cases, you’ve tried them on.
And if you bought them, then they looked good on you. So why, the first thing you do when you get home is try them again? What is delirium?
These are the same as in the store! A priori you have not gained weight or lost weight during the past 2 hours.
Afterwards, I understand that the goal is to try on the new black pants with the right shoes… But I thought it went with everything!
6. Org**sm
Yes, I was losing the male readership so I’m talking a little bit about s**x to make them come back! This is one of the big questions men have about women.
There again, I would do my Michel Chevalet by asking: “ How does it work? ” Is it linked to the fact that for all of you is happening “inside”, while we are more outside (whether for the excitement or for the manifestation)?
If our mechanics are quite simplistic and appear to us men, logical, it is not with you. Your enjoyment is a mystery, a Grail to be found.
And the questions relating to it are difficult to ask. We can read articles on the subject, but in practice, it’s something else!
When I started out, I sometimes wanted to ask questions like ” are you clitoral or vaginal?” “,” Am I good on your G-spot? »,« Did you enjoy? »… But in the end, we don’t care! No female org**sm! Do not mistake yourself! But we don’t care which technique to adopt.
Guys, it’s not a game of football where 4-4-2 will be more effective than 5-3-2. Forget the tactics read on any medium whatsoever. Women walk by feeling, by feeling. So follow suit and do what you think is right based on the clues left by your partner.
A woman will have better orga**ms in my opinion if you adapt to her and if she finds a certain exclusivity in the way you do things, rather than an impersonal pattern repeated and lapped on countless other girls.
7. The success of girls’ groups
In our current society, it is very common to see girls go out between them, and boys go out between them. Whether as a single person or once in a relationship, the need to get together with people of the same s**x to talk about clothes, gossip or talk about video games and drink beers is common and accepted by everyone.
But one question nags us guys in mind: why does a group of girls have an impossible number of men around when a group of guys has no women around? (I exclude Cougars from the box!).
Personally I do not remember having “packed” during a party when I was only with male friends at the base. It’s even impossible to approach a girl! She sees us coming, she breaks! For a long time I have even suspected my friends of making obscene gestures behind my back to break me down. So the girls in a group just have to cross the threshold of the establishment and bang! Invitation, free cocktails, etc … The “outings” budget for a girl often comes down to the price of the cloakroom.
8. The friend zone
This is a subject that is particularly close to my heart. The question that comes to me about this is: Why? What is the use of filling sentimental boxes with such strict and final rules?
“ Him, he’s a great guy, he has lots of qualities, he understands me so much, he’s a love, he often prepares surprises for me, what I would like to have a guy like him! ” Well what are you waiting for ?? !! Why refrain from sleeping with a guy on the pretext that he’s a friend? If he’s gay, I want to understand that, but if he’s not: GO !!!
Because for me, only gay friends were friend-zoned, nay! Straight guys too! So of course, I certainly have some error in my approach. But it is not easy for a good guy to enter the circle of a girl who we find pretty and nice without showing off the big flirtatious hooves!
When you want to be seductive, romantic, you have to be subtle, and switching to the friend zone is faster than you think!
I hear the excuse: ” I don’t want to risk losing such a precious friendship for a s**x affair “, but I often want to answer: ” Go for it! Risk! “
One thing you need to take on board, ladies, is that we won’t change the way we do whether you are friends or lovers. We only have one box reserved for you: that of love.
9. Girls’ stuff
Behind these four words, the greatest mystery for a man! I believe that one day it will be possible to solve most of the equations in quantum physics, but never will a man be able to understand what “a girl’s thing” is.
Any man in a relationship has found himself confronted with this stranger one day! The days when you come home, your sweetheart is there, delighted with her afternoon because she spent it with her friends. If you have the misfortune to ask: ” what have you done?” “, The only answer will be:” Nothing, girl stuff! “.
But what is girl stuff ?? Because let’s be clear: giving free rein to our imagination is not a service that you provide! Because for a man, girls’ things are shopping, but it’s not “girl” enough, so it’s shopping for lingerie, buying some, then going home for tea, then there’s the second fitting, so parade in undress, so reflection of the kind ” but they have enlarged your breasts ” – ” but no touch you are having ideas ” – ” ah but what are they firm “, and then we look the living room rug, hoping that he will tell what he saw!
Girlish stuff might just make your guy say, ” Great, my wife is bi!” ” So seriously, be more explicit because the imagination of a man deviates on the road to s**x at the speed of a galloping horse.
10. How do you go about being better at everything?
Ok, not at all! But sense of direction except, how do you manage to be better than us?
Of course, the competition is not so tough, because after several million years of evolution, we humans:
- We speak louder on the phone when it doesn’t pick up as if shouting increases the network;
- We press the buttons on the remote hard when the batteries are almost empty, as if, like toothpaste, electricity is a fluid that can be compressed.
After so many years of evolution, we are there!
But with kids, how do you manage to be so good? Maybe it has to do with carrying the baby for months, I don’t know, but in the history of the modern world. Not a single mother has forgotten her child’s “four o’clock”! While the dads pat each other’s foreheads saying ” M… .. !!! Afternoon tea!!! “
For the authority, it is the same thing! My mother, with a single glance, was able to bring me down from the top of the slide which she considered too dangerous. When she said ” we’re going home “, I was already dressed on my own and ready to go! No whim! Especially not!
With my father, it was something else. I would type fits to stay a little longer and if he told me that he was going to come home alone and that the wolves would come and eat me, I would look at him and answer: ” And how are you going to tell mum that?” “
I sincerely believe that there are a number of things that are not for men. However, we make you believe that they are, because without it, we would have nothing left!
