When you’re in a toxic relationship, you don’t realize how much the effects of emotional abuse have on you. At least not when you’re in the relationship. When you’re in a bad relationship, there’s a kind of addiction. It comforts us to know someone so deeply.
And we do everything not to move away. And even when we leave, we turn around many times because we miss the person. We miss the adrenaline rush of intense emotions.
But then we meet a good person. And when that happens, we realize how negatively this old relationship has affected us. And sometimes we even push people away because of it.
You start by expecting the worst.
After a bad relationship, you don’t trust anyone. Not even to you. You wonder how you could have tolerated such a relationship for so long.
And you put yourself in a relationship expecting the worst with the person.
For a while, you don’t think good people exist. Because for a very long time you looked for bad qualities and you accepted a lot of people who did not deserve you.
You think too much about everything.
You think everyone has reasons or that people don’t mean what they say.
You have caught someone lying so many times that you are now paranoid.
You don’t believe that people can be honest or mean what they say.
You make crazy assumptions and have doubts about really good people because of one person.
And pretty soon you find yourself explaining how you came to that conclusion, and your partner will be left in awe. Not because you questioned him but because someone made you think this, and they just want to change that.
You think it’s too good to be true.
When someone who treats you well you think it’s too good to be true. You expect the situation to deteriorate.
You expect to lose the person someday. You expect a brutal end.
But every day, this person proves to you that they are the same from the start.
You had no reason to ask questions, but it’s not this person you don’t trust, it’s everyone in the past.
You push your partner away.
Someone in the past led you to believe that you don’t deserve the best. So when you have it, you reject it.
You are afraid of something good because you don’t want to lose it.
You don’t want to hurt yourself again.
But you will realize that when you run away, the person will chase you.
When you push him away, he will grip you tightly so that you won’t let go.
You expect arguments.
You constantly expect arguments. But on the contrary, you talk about everything and explain your point of view.
And then there’s that wave of comfort, and you realize that normal people don’t just walk away when something goes wrong.
You apologize too often.
Your partner will wonder why you apologize so often. He will see the pain in your eyes of someone in the past that made you question yourself. He will see the pain in your heart trying to love again when you have known nothing but great sorrow. And it will reassure you at all times.
When a good person loves someone broken by toxic relationships, they teach them that they don’t deserve everything that’s happened to them. He redefines those horrible standards that she has and chooses to be the exception.
You wonder if this person wouldn’t be better off without you.
You think your partner would be better off without you, but the truth is, he made your life better, and it works both ways.
And I know you’re afraid to love again. I know you are afraid to let someone come close.
But you are a good person because of your sensitivity, your compassion, your strength, your understanding and your lack of judgment with everyone.
In the past, you were able to love someone who didn’t deserve to be loved and intolerable. You have found good in him. You gave him a chance. You never gave it up. And now it’s your turn to have that.
You are not used to this new relationship, but it is exactly what you deserve.
You overcompensate.
And when you finally get comfortable and come to terms with that relationship, you love that person with all your might.
But don’t try too hard. Don’t think you have to.
In the past, you have been taught that doing your best is wrong. So you must have tried too hard. You had to fight. You had to prove yourself.
You have to realize that you have done enough and this is the person who did not deserve it.
You trust him afterwards.
There will come a time when you will tell your partner everything that has happened. You will trust him and let him come closer.
And when you tell him about your past and the people who hurt you, he won’t run away. It will give him one more reason to stay.
I know someone in your past taught you difficult love. He taught you that vulnerability is weakness.
You must have been strong for a very long time and endured a lot of things that you didn’t deserve. But someone good will appreciate you even more for getting over this.
Finally, you will learn what love really is.
You will begin to learn that love is not meant to hurt or humiliate you.
Love is not meant to break your heart.
Love is not all that comes in the form of jealousy. Whether it’s making you jealous or being jealous of you.
True love does not play with your heart and does not seek to see you in pain.
You will realize that this was not all love, it was control.
You are rebuilding yourself bit by bit and unafraid to love again, but this time you are doing it right.
True love heals you and that is exactly what this person did.
