You are not alone: the husband “ignores” a lot
You’ve been with your husband for quite some time, but lately, have you noticed that no matter what you do, he just ignores you? You could even prance around in your attractive clothes and he won’t even show up. When he comes home from work, he barely says hello, he just walks straight to the couch and turns on the television. You have no idea why he is ignoring you, what you know is that it is painful and very frustrating.
Why does he ignore you or treat you silently? Is this only happening to you? Was it something you did? You are not alone, there are many wives who are in the same situation and ask the same questions. Your husband might ignore you for a number of reasons (we’ll get to that soon), but first, you need to know some facts about the silent treatment.
Silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without leaving a visible bruise. Bruises are inside and can cause a lot of damage to your marriage. Research in this area has shown that the act of ignoring activates that same area of your brain that is activated by physical pain. According to an in-depth analysis study by Paul Schrodt, Ph.D. Professor of Communication, silent treatment is “tremendously damaging to a relationship”, it decreases the satisfaction of your relationship, it diminishes the feelings of intimacy and it reduces the ability to communicate in a healthy and meaningful way.
Maybe your husband’s ignoring isn’t meant to cause you pain, regardless of whether that kind of neglect is actually causing you a lot of pain because it equates being noticed with being loved, sometimes that feels the same. So now that he is ignoring you, you have the terrible feeling that he has stopped loving you and the worst thing is that you do not know the reasons or how to deal with it.
The danger here is that if this behavior continues (being ignored and unappreciated) it can push her to have negative feelings towards her husband. But if you still love him and want to try to fix things, you need to act.
8 reasons why he’s actually ignoring you
To try to help you understand your situation and to let you know that you are not alone in this, we will begin by listing the possible reasons why your husband is ignoring you. Have a look.
1. You said something that upset him
Maybe you said something (unintentionally) that upset him, but instead of telling you that he was upset by what you said, he decided to ignore you. Humans (because this could apply to both women and men) are funny that way, instead of doing the logical thing and telling our spouse what is bothering us, we choose to take the “right path” and ignore it.
2. All the little fights you’ve had are taking their toll.
Fighting between couples is normal, you are two people with different opinions on many issues, so from time to time you will disagree. But lately, you’ve had all of these disagreements and you may feel like that’s all you do, and worst of all, you can’t seem to commit to any of them. The sum of all those little fights could be the reason why he ignores you, he needs a break from all the fights.
3. He feels that his marriage has become stale
Marriage is a blessing but it can also be messy and complicated, you have shared space with your husband, your finances are tied, you have had to negotiate decisions in your daily life, in addition to children, so it is normal. that you as a couple have been in and out of boredom. You may feel that now that stalemate has reached a critical point.
4. He could be cheating on you
You don’t need to immediately become paranoid and assume that’s the reason he’s ignoring you. First, you need to evaluate any other suspicious behavior to come to that conclusion. But, if he ignores you and hangs out with random women, old friends, or colleagues, you might consider that possibility. Take steps to find out if he is dating other women instead of you.
5. He’s fed up with all your complaints.
Take a step back and think about how you start your conversations. Do you start them off with negativity and lots of complaints? N0? Are you sure? Sometimes you can be in denial because you are not a negative person, but do you remember how you started your last conversation? Was it a complaint about your day or was it all just gossip? Have you forgotten to say something nice from time to time? The point is, he could be the same way and it doesn’t help to talk to someone who is also negative.
6. You feel suffocated and need some space.
This is a common reason why your husband ignores you. However, it’s not good because he should be able to talk to you and tell you that he feels that way, but first, he doesn’t know how to bring it up or two, he’s scared to talk about it. The reasons why you feel suffocated can be many and have nothing to do with you.
7. You are worried about something important
You may be having problems at work as a project that is not going the way it should and that is consuming all your energy and attention. Or he may be deeply concerned about an important event, which for some reason he has not shared with you.
8. You are contemplating divorce
This is the last thing you need to hear, but it could be the reason he’s ignoring you. Some people are too cowardly, to tell the truth (he is), so he has decided to ignore you until he has the courage or finds a way to bring it up.
How to handle ignorant behavior
By nature, people are not confrontational, we tend to come to the conclusion that whenever there is a problem in the marriage, the conversation about that topic will turn conflictive, so (sometimes) we choose to ignore it. As in this case, you know there is a problem (your husband ignores you), but you don’t know the source or why (you now have some clues) and most importantly, you don’t know how to solve or handle it. so you feel like any conversation about it will be meaningless.
So, there is one thing you can do to prevent your husband from ignoring you. Get to the root of why he is ignoring you, and then learn to communicate better.
1. Make sure you are on the same page when communicating
The two of you could be part of the same conversation, but that does not mean that your conclusions or impression of what is being said are the same. You need to make sure that what was said and what you both get from the conversation is on the same page
2. Don’t avoid confrontation
It should be simple. If your husband ignores you and you want him to stop, the most effective method is to go talk to him. You should be able to alleviate the problem by talking to him. Pretending it isn’t happening won’t help your marriage work and move on. You need to break the ice, stop avoiding confrontation. There is a fun game you can play to help you break the ice so you can tackle the biggest problems.
The Tabletopics pairs chart can help you because it combines simple and fun questions with some more difficult ones that will make you think and that can lead you to talk about the root of the problem.
How to handle it by ignoring it around your family
This situation is difficult to handle because they are your in-laws and you don’t want to alienate them, especially if they are good people and will see each other regularly for quite some time. But it is frustrating because every time you go to visit them or they visit you, it is as if you are invisible. You will hang out with your dad or spend a lot of time with your mom. He plans outings and doesn’t include you … and the list can go on.
What can you do? It’s not that it’s bad or anything, it’s just that you feel totally excluded and you don’t like that and you want to change the situation. How can you handle her ignoring you around her family?
3. make him see things from your perspective
You will never know if he is aware of this behavior if you don’t mention it. So, find a private place and ask him if he has realized what he is doing. We bet you won’t have a clue as you’re not doing it on purpose. Don’t criticize or blame him (we know it’s difficult because you feel hurt), instead, make him see things from your perspective and tell him that you feel left out and alone when he behaves that way.
4. Make a plan so it doesn’t happen again
Between the two of you, come up with a plan for when you visit your in-laws. Make sure he includes you in all discussions and keeps you up to date on everything that is going on. You can bring your iPad or a book to read when you want to go out with someone. And maybe come up with some kind of secret signals when one of you needs to be rescued.
How to handle ignoring your phone behavior
Does your husband pay more attention to your phone than you? Phubbing (ignoring you to pay attention to her phone) is a real problem in many marriages. You’re his wife, you shouldn’t have to compete with apps for this attention. So what can you do to manage this?
5. Pay attention to your own habits
Before you tell him something, check it out and pay attention to your own habits. Do you also use your phone when you could interact and connect with your husband? If that’s the case. spend less time staring at your screen and you’ll know for sure if you’re phubbing. Once you make the necessary changes in your own habits, go talk to him.
6. Talk to him
Tell your husband about the changes you have made to his phone habits and how you have paid attention to his phone habits. Then tell him how you feel when he pays more attention to your phone than you, that you feel ignored and underrated, and that you would like to spend more quality time together.
7. Establish rules
Set rules for the use of the telephone in your home, you can even create some zones and activities without telephones. They need to keep track of how they use the phone when they are together.
How to handle ignorant behavior in public
He is very considerate in private, he loved you and, in general, he is a good husband … but when you are in public it is as if you do not exist, he ignores you completely. That makes you feel lonely and it’s quite frustrating, how do you handle it?
8. Have an honest conversation with him.
Approach the problem, but not in a confrontational way, tell him how you feel when you pay attention to everyone else but yourself. Avoid telling him what he is doing wrong. Maybe you’re not comfortable with public displays of attention, or you’re just a social butterfly. You need to get to the root of the problem in order to act.
Being ignored by your husband is frustrating and shouldn’t be normal behavior. The reasons why could be many, and sometimes they have nothing to do with you. You must address the problem and talk to him, that way you will know for sure and then you can take steps to improve your relationship.