17 ways to discover an infidelity with co-worker

When our partner is distant or different, our alert signal goes on.

We often ask ourselves “Is he being unfaithful to me?”

It’s natural, especially if you start spending less time on the relationship.

But it is not easy to perceive signs to discover infidelity. 

Sometimes his behavior clearly shows it to us, other times it is well hidden and you don’t notice. 

And although infidelity can occur in any field, it is very common that it occurs in your workplace.

Here I will give you the 17 simple signs to discover if he is cheating on you with a co-worker.

And, in addition, we will solve these doubts:

why could he be cheating on you with someone at work? what could be their reasons for doing so? 

Ready to find all the answers? Let’s get started!

Why do people cheat with their co-workers?

For many, the workplace is where they spend much of their week. 

Office colleagues share laughter and tears, successes and failures…

But they all have something in common: their work. 

Therefore, it is easier to share problems with them, who are aware, than with a partner at home who cannot fully understand what is happening. 

Do you know the term “work wife”? 

It is used as a joke, but its meaning makes a lot of sense.

If he has a partner that he spends eight hours a day, five days a week with, they will naturally form a bond (whether platonic or not). 

When your partner is frustrated at work or at home, she can easily be your emotional support. 

And it is that sharing his day-to-day can make him emotionally involved with her. 

There are several reasons that can push him to have infidelity.

Here are some of the reasons people cheat:

  • Long-term problems in the relationship
  • A lack of affection/communication can cause a void (which is then filled by having an affair) 
  • Feeling bored or dissatisfied with the current partner 

In this context, infidelity at work is easy to understand.

Not only because of the daily coexistence but there is also the excuse that “he must work with her”.

Not as suspicious as making a new friend at the gym, right?

17 signs to detect if your partner is having an affair at work

These signs are related to a change in behavior or routine. 

So it will be up to your judgment or instinct to determine if they fit your partner or not. 

Alert your senses and read carefully!

1) Start working more hours or different hours

According to Tom Martin, private investigator and writer of the book Seeing Life through Private Eyes, a change in work schedule are one of the most classic signs of an affair.

Does he leave the office later than usual? Should he stay for “projects” until the evening?

It is good to know that you will not be alone during those days, of course.

But possibly all that alone time can take your relationship out of the platonic stage.

A simple time change in your routine can be a sign that you are seeing someone else. 

2) Start taking more business trips than usual

Have they started traveling more often? And always with the excuse of work?

This is another classic cheating behavior change according to Martin. 

Many people are tempted to travel with work colleagues, they see it as the perfect setting.

The “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” mentality can be very appealing. 

Distance, or even time difference, gives you the “freedom” you need to be with another person.

3) He frequently mentions his co-worker (or not)

Talking about a co-worker can go either way. 

Either he mentions her frequently, (a possible indication that he’s in love), or he avoids mentioning her altogether. 

If you have a working name to be suspicious of, watch their reactions carefully.

For example, if your partner’s name is mentioned and his face lights up, or he seems flustered and quickly changes the subject, there may be something going on between them. 

4) They put more effort into your appearance for work

Changes in appearance may be more or less noticeable. 

According to Martin, an obvious possible sign would be that she wears perfume every day or wears smart office clothes. 

Less obvious signs, that only you could detect, would be things like moisturizing your skin or dressing in fashion.

These behaviors do not mean that your partner can not try harder to make a good impression at work, of course. 

But if you notice these changes, it might be worth commenting to see their reaction.

5) Confused reactions at their workplace

Rumors of infidelity spread like wildfire. 

If your partner is cheating on you with someone at work, their office has probably already found out. 

Perhaps the next time you visit him at the office, you can observe how his colleagues treat you.

If there are uncomfortable or pitying looks between them, it may be a sign.

Of course, this advice is for observers. Keep in mind that you do not know what happens in the office. You may misunderstand some gestures for this reason. 

Sharpen your senses and judiciously evaluate whether what you perceive is a real sign of mistrust or not.

6) They meet up with your co-worker outside of work

If you regularly meet or talk to her outside of the office, it could mean that your relationship is deepening. 

Generally, if nothing is going on, he should be open and willing for you to go on casual dates.

If he avoids taking you and insists that they have a lot of work (on a Sunday), it is a sign of infidelity.

7) They want to change jobs suddenly 

People change jobs for various reasons, but if they want to quit suddenly and have no real explanation for it, that could be cause for suspicion. 

Especially if you’ve never talked about quitting his job before. 

Perhaps his relationship has turned sour? That could make his job very uncomfortable for him. 

If so, his solution will be no other than to leave. 

8) Start being secretive with their mobile phone

Martin explains that being secretive on your phone is a strong indicator that you have something to hide.

Especially if he is usually very open and trusting when using it. 

It is clear that each couple is different. Keeping your phones private may be normal. 

But if he never leaves his phone unattended and is constantly texting, it may be a sign of infidelity. 

Tip: how to know if your partner is cheating on you on WhatsApp?

  • Usually keeps the phone locked
  • When you leave it, it places it down so that you do not see the notifications that arrive
  • You have removed the “seen” option from the application
  • Hide your connection time in the app

9) He does not want you to visit him at his workplace

If your partner is cheating on you with a co-worker, chances are they don’t want you to run into them by the coffee machine.

Of course, you have to take their behavior into account before becoming suspicious. 

If you don’t use to meet there, you may prefer to keep work and personal life separate. 

But if you used to meet him for lunch or pick him up from work and avoid those plans, you might want to find out more about this sudden change. 

10) He doesn’t take you to work events

Continuing with the previous point, your partner may stop taking you to work for parties.

Maybe she wants to prevent you from meeting her office mate or other colleagues.

It is probably because of the fear that you will discover his infidelity.

Surely, you’ll want to know why she’s going without you, especially if you used to go to this kind of event together.

Your request is valid if it turns out to be an event for colleagues only.

But if it’s a couples meal and he doesn’t invite you, maybe it’s time to talk and find out why he doesn’t want you there.

11) Unexplained expenses or new tastes

Have you noticed expenses on your credit card that don’t make sense to you?

Perhaps you are reading a book, when before you said you did not enjoy reading.

Or you realize that her musical preferences have changed, she has even bought a new perfume.

These changes could be a sign that you want to have common interests with your lover.

12) Work is a higher priority than your relationship

For many people, it is a struggle to maintain a healthy balance between work and private life. 

But, the vast majority of us will show frustration or remorse for not being able to spend time with our loved ones when we are busy with work. 

An unfaithful person, on the other hand, will prioritize “work”, even if it means that their relationship continues to worsen. 

If you show no interest in improving your relationship but are excited about being in the office all the time, there is clearly cause for concern. 

13) Your relationship has changed or they avoid spending time together

Do you feel like your relationship has changed? Are your intimacy and communication no longer the same? 

If your partner is dating an office colleague, they probably share their problems with her. Since you have already discussed this, you may not need to do it at home.

Or maybe he’s no longer interested in making plans with you, or he’s bored or annoyed spending time together.

If he’s involved with someone else, she could be taking center stage. 

All these changes in the relationship indicate that something is wrong.

Cheating or not, you should probably start discussing these issues with him. 

14) Start acting differently around you

Was he attentive before, but has he become distant? 

Or maybe he spoils you more, even though he used to be lazy.

Changes in their behavior towards you are a sign that something is up. 

If he’s being unfaithful, he’s probably causing you stress. This will show in different unconscious ways.

Some people try to mask their guilt by being very nice to their partners.

Others go the opposite way.

They usually fight or even accuse you of having an affair, projecting the blame onto you.

An article in Eepsys, journal of Psychology and Humanities, explains: 

“Infidelity reflects the weakening of emotional bonds by the unfaithful person. Weakening that is generated by defense mechanisms of the infidel such as denial, or projection.

You may be wondering, “what is projection?”

According to the Royal Spanish Academy, this term of psychoanalysis means:

«attribution to another person of the defects or intentions that someone does not want to recognize in himself».

In other words, he sees in you what happens to him, even if it doesn’t. 

And this attitude can be used unconsciously to create a distance between you.

Or even justify their deception. 

If you notice that he gets jealous because you go well dressed or perfumed to work.

Or he reproaches you for talking too much with your office colleagues. He may be taking out on you the infidelity that he is actually having.

15) Act defensive or deny it if you ask him questions

Unless he’s a professional liar who can hide his true emotions and facial expressions, he’s likely to pick up on something when you ask him about his co-worker. 

She may act defensively or laugh and make it seem like you’re crazy for asking. 

According to Martin, acting defensively or denying the fact is another of the typical attitudes of a deception.

It’s up to you to assess whether his reaction is real or not. 

16) Hostile attitude: becomes critical of you

Before he showed his love, now he criticizes you for every move you make? 

The fact that she finds fault with you could be because she is comparing you to her. 

According to the Eepsys article:

The unfaithful person is unhappy with his life in general, with his profession, or with other facets of his life. He feels powerless for not daring to change reality because he is afraid and instead of changing it, he seeks a high in his life caused by infidelity. 

You may want to consider that he is frustrated and unhappy with his relationship or something in his life.

His mistreatment may be a product of comparing you to his lover, which represents his mental escape.

Or, perhaps, because you are dissatisfied with some factor in your life, and you don’t know how to deal with it.

17) Your instinct 

Many people know when something happens. 

You know your partner, his behavior, and his habits…

You may not be able to pinpoint exactly what has changed, but something inside tells you that you should be concerned. 

Trust your gut, especially if any of the above clues match your situation. 

And now that? What to do to discover infidelity?

The Eepsys article clarifies that:

Infidelity for the unfaithful person is a fantasy, a flight from reality that he needs to fulfill himself, a self-deception. Therefore, the unfaithful person is not able to separate, to face reality, which has been hidden for a long time. 

So if he doesn’t figure it out, maybe you should be the one to deal with it. 

Because even though it is not confirmed that he is really doing it, the doubt is making you suffer. 

You have two options, either investigate it yourself and confirm whether your suspicions are true or not. 

Or, you can confront your partner and try to figure out what’s going on. 

If you try, try not to take your doubts for truth. 

But rather calmly explain the changes you notice, avoiding questioning from reproach.

Give him the opportunity to explain what he is going through at that moment.

A partner who has nothing to hide will have a sincere conversation with you. 

He will try to put you at ease and discuss your concerns. 

Conversely, if they avoid the topic or make it into a big discussion, they may be trying to divert attention from the truth. 

What to do if your partner was unfaithful to you?

  • Breathe and let off steam: Going through something painful and releasing your emotions (crying, screaming) is beneficial.
  • Give yourself some time to assimilate what is happening and be able to think more clearly.
  • After venting, talk to your partner, honestly express how you feel.
  • Take your time: You don’t have a deadline to make a decision about your relationship, especially if your heart has been broken. 

Each couple is a world, and there are situations that deserve a second chance. 

You may be interested in the article: How to forgive infidelity and stay together.

If you forgive him, it’s important that you both come to terms and understand what brought you to this place.

If he feels that he can lose you and values ​​you, he will let you know.

In any case, it will be you, and only you, who decides if the relationship is worth fighting for. 

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