Most women don’t like being second in a man’s life, but when you’re filling a void for him, a lot of times you’ll never be first.
Is he keeping you around for selfish reasons?
There are many men who have a hard time being alone, don’t want to let go of their bachelor ways, or spend a lot of time emotionally anxious about their ex – a relationship that countless times didn’t work out.
Instead of opening their hearts to a “new process”, they will fill that empty space with a “for now”.
Often when a guy is emotionally guarded or turned off but still wants you in his life, you are there to fill a void for him.
This emptiness can be mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, or all four.
While that might sound like an interesting situation, it’s not – especially if you’re wanting more.
A guy who wants you – just for the purpose of filling your void – will work hard not to share his heart space with you.
There will be an obvious emotional wall between you (which he has put up) and he will stray from any kind of commitment – not letting himself get too close to you.
But he will continue to keep her close.
Because?
The void you are being used to fill in his life is going on until something or someone better comes along.
Or maybe it’s because he’s bored and selfish.
Here’s an interesting thing, when the connection is there – you can feel it – but he’s determined to “not want to be in a relationship” – and removes all other options from the table – not letting the experience between you be organic – no only you are wasting his time and energy, he is also missing the opportunity to connect with you in a meaningful way.
Filling a void means we are a temporary replacement until someone or something better (in his opinion) comes along.
It’s like waiting for the chips to drop – you don’t know when or where, but eventually it will (you’ll be pushed out of his life) – the moment a new (or possibly old) pair arrives. There!
Becoming a woman who fills emptiness occurs when:
- He’s not over his ex – he’s hoping they’ll get back together one day, but for now, you’re “good enough”
- He is emotionally unavailable – he has been emotionally scarred by past relationships and is emotionally closed off, but still enjoys the company of a woman
- He’s a typical guy, he’s become overly dependent on his male friendships, and he doesn’t know how to make time, effort, and frankly, space in a woman’s life.
- He doesn’t see you in his future – he’s keeping you around until a “better” woman comes along.
- He’s afraid of being alone, but then again, he doesn’t see a future with you
- He’s stuck in his “single” ways and doesn’t want to change that
- He doesn’t believe he deserves love
- He’s Afraid of Having His Heart “Broken”, So He Keeps You at a Distance
Dating a man who is closed to the possibility of a committed relationship, even in the future, can end up being a difficult experience.
You want to understand why he doesn’t let things flow naturally between you, but unless he opens up, you may never know.
Most men who let women fill an emotional and/or physical void are terrible at communication.
You’ll feel like you’re in an ongoing guessing game – never knowing exactly what he wants or how he really feels about you.
The sad thing is; that he may not really know how you feel – as he will waste significant time and energy keeping you at a distance.
Maybe he’s afraid of getting hurt, or is he still emotionally attached to someone else?
Unfortunately, these are things he needs to understand and get over, and you’re not going to change him by continuing to date him.
He is the only one who can change himself.
When you have your heart broken, or a relationship ends in a negative way, it’s natural to want to take a break from relationships.
If you need to “find yourself”, go find yourself.
If you need to seek therapy to understand what went wrong, go to therapy.
What you shouldn’t do is start dating when you’re not ready.
Most women don’t want to hear that a man doesn’t want a committed relationship because he needs to “rediscover” himself, especially when he expects us to keep dating him while he does his “soul searching.”
News flash men, we are not here to fill an emotional void as you search for the meaning of life.
How do you know you’re filling his void?
- He is emotionally disconnected
- He will rarely (if ever) be physically intimate with you in public – without kissing, holding, or hugging.
- You’ll feel like you only meet him as his last resort
- It keeps text messages and calls to a minimum
- If you feel that the connection between you is growing, he will pull away emotionally.
- You’re not sure how deep his feelings for you are
- He rarely kisses you – when he does, it feels forced
- When you’re alone, he’s not overly affectionate.
- You’ll feel like he’s keeping an emotional wall between you (because he is)
- He will occupy his free time with activities, events, friends, travel, etc.
- – this does not include you
- You haven’t met your friends and family or you’ve only met a few
- He still keeps pictures of his ex visible.
- When he travels, communication stops or is sporadic
- He is far from any “plans for the future” talk
- Usually, when you see him, it’s not when you “want” to see him, but when he’s “ready” (and willing) to see you.
Basically, women, when you’re filling a void for him; the relationship will feel one-sided (his) and there will be a feeling of disconnection (from him).
Communication is important in all relationships.
However, when you meet someone for the first time, you probably won’t be discussing your future committed relationship.
I hope this conversation happens later – after you guys get to know each other, trust is built and respect and love grew.
Does this mean we should close ourselves off to the possibility of a relationship until that happens?
Not.
How will any of these things ever happen then?
Every time we close ourselves off to the possibility of love, we are preventing ourselves from finding lasting love.
If we want the option to have a relationship that develops organically, then dating a guy who is just looking to fill a void is frustrating and, frankly, a disappointment.
You deserve to be with a man who is willing and able to keep all options open – a man who can either let go of the past or accept it.
A man who can conquer his fears, ignore his ego and return to the possibility of love.
Everything happens for a reason…
Let’s keep this realistic, there are no guarantees in love.
However, if we weren’t looking for a connection and one was brought to us, perhaps the connection was worth exploring?
All things are brought into our lives for a reason.
Why do we close ourselves off by predicting the future – assuming a relationship won’t work (for this we subconsciously end up creating an emotional barrier) keeping potential love aside?
Creating this kind of barrier can make us run away the instant we start feeling happy, vulnerable, aroused, and a heartfelt connection or love…
Life is short, and caring for or possibly loving someone can be scary — especially when we’ve had relationship failures in our past.
The question we need to consider is, “Do we want to be with someone who has closed himself off to the possibility of a committed relationship because he is too afraid to take risks?”
Women, hold a man who has healed; a man who is open to the possibility of a committed relationship.
This isn’t about a guy needing to rush into a relationship, rather, it’s about being a guy who is open – wholeheartedly – to the process and not purposefully or subconsciously protecting himself from love and intimacy.
The thing is… it takes two people to finally have a successful relationship.
If you’re in his life to fill a void, chances are you’ll be replaced one day.