5 Steps To Breaking Up With A Man As A Grown Up

You know something is wrong between you and him, so what do you do? Just pull the trigger, kill that relationship and move on? No, wait a moment.

See what kind of relationship you used to have and what you have now.

Make a list of where the two of you went off the rails.

Seeing your problems in black and white helps you put things in perspective.

The next question to ask is, do you want to get things back on track?

If you think that, with a few tweaks, you can make your relationship go smoothly, then it’s worth doing, isn’t it?

You’ve evaluated how you feel, now let’s get to the hard stuff.

Talk to him about the way you feel and any changes for the worse you’ve noticed.

Even if he’s ignoring you, there might be a relationship worth saving.

Guys get involved in their own lives and it’s up to everyone who participates in their lives.

He may not be aware that he is hurting you.

Also, guys don’t like to talk.

His distance from you could be indicative of some fears he has.

He may be worried that things are going too fast and this is his way of slowing things down, or it could be something outside of your relationship that is draining him of energy.

Anyway, try to get to the bottom of the problem.

But if you’ve tried to clean up your relationship and you’ve tried to make changes for the better and it all failed, separation may be the best way to go.

I hope he responds to you by pointing out that you two are in trouble, but there’s also a chance he’s not interested and he doesn’t care.

So whether you like it or not, you’ve reached the end of the road.

If it’s not working for you, then get out of the relationship.

Check your happiness barometer.

If the needle is pointing at storm clouds all the time instead of smiling sunlight and you can’t see a way to swing it backward, then you have a problem.

Breaking up is never easy and requires a lot of thought and strength.

It will leave a wound, but you will eventually heal.

Here’s how to break up with someone:

1. Take a Break.

OK, you’ve decided it’s over.

You want to start over and meet someone compatible.

This is the real challenge: ending that relationship.

It won’t be fun, but you have to be brave.

You have to actually say the words “it’s over”.

There can be no confusion.

There is no good way, but some ways are better than others.

2. Be Direct About Your Intentions.

If you want to end the relationship, tell him face to face.

No text message.

No Post-it notes on the fridge for him to find when he gets home.

No letter from lawyers.

(The only exception to this rule is if you suspect he might get violent.)

Don’t be ambiguous.

Many women don’t want to hurt their men’s feelings or try to soften the blow, so they wrap the argument on whims.

They say things like, “Things aren’t working out right now, but that doesn’t mean I’ll always feel this way.”

So he walks away thinking he still has a chance when there isn’t or is left wondering if the relationship is really over.

The most humane thing is to just say everything directly.

Don’t disguise what you mean.

3. Choose The Perfect Place To End Things.

Choose a place for the breakup where both of you are comfortable and there are no distractions.

The place might be your home, but your home can dilute the importance of what you’re saying.

Your home is a familiar place and the breakup loses importance.

He might think it’s just another argument at home.

Instead, take him somewhere quiet where you can talk.

Stay away from restaurants, because if the whole thing turns into an ugly scene, no one needs to see you.

And don’t take him to one of his favorite places to do it.

This is just cruel.

4. Tell Him What Went Wrong.

You haven’t worked on the relationship, but you hope he can learn from his mistakes and succeed with someone new.

And again, eliminate the element of ambiguity.

You’re leaving him because he never does anything for you, he doesn’t pull his weight, he’s devoid of feelings, he doesn’t support your career, he puts you down in public, etc.

Whatever the reasons, tell him what they are.

This is not for you to be vindictive, but as said before, guys do not mind readers.

He may not even be aware of your behavior.

Now, that’s not an excuse, but if he’s not aware, he should know.

You might even ignite an epiphany.

He may surprise you and want to change his behavior.

Of course, if you catalog his negatives, be prepared to receive a list of negatives you have as well.

Don’t get angry or defensive, just listen.

There may be some valid points in what he is saying.

5. Be an Adult Throughout The Process.

Don’t tell him you ended up introducing him to your new boyfriend or having one of your friends or family tell him.

Breaking up with someone is bad enough; doesn’t need the revenge element.

Also, stay civil.

Easier said than done, but if you take a methodical and reasoned approach to breaking up with him, it’s harder than a war of foul words.

This won’t allow you to leave with smiles and hugs, but at least no vase will be broken.

At the end of the day, you might not hang out as friends, but you should be able to bump into each other on the street and be nice.