You met a nice guy, things seem to be going well. But suddenly, he disappears!
And then without any explanation, he appears again. You must be asking yourself…
What to do when he disappears and then appears?
Here’s exactly what to do when he reappears after disappearing!
The man’s disappearance is confusing and frustrating.
Confusing because for many women it disappears after things seem to be going in the right direction.
He may have told you how he’s starting to really like you. He talked about how well things are going.
He may have even talked about introducing you to friends or talking about the future. Then, poof, he’s gone.
You wonder what happened. Then, when you feel like you’ve accepted his disappearance, you have a text out of the blue.
When he reappears after disappearing
Should you give him the benefit of the doubt and another chance? Play sassy and cool? Or ignore him completely?
Before we get into that. I know dating advice can be confusing, so I’m going to make that very clear.
In this article, I’m sharing what to do in a man’s disappearance and reappearance scenario in early dating. Where a committed relationship has not yet begun. And it’s been more than 7 days without communication.
Yes, I know that not listening to that special someone for even a week can feel like a lifetime for some people. But not hearing from a man for a week when you’ve only had a few dates isn’t going away. It’s just life.
This advice should also not be confused with a situation where a man walks away. But you’ve been in a relationship with him for several months or it’s been exclusive. These are all different scenarios.
If you’re having trouble figuring out what situation you’re in, I highly recommend consulting a dating coach to get clarity on how you should go about it.
1. Stay on your own
It’s gone, you feel you’ve accepted it and you’re ready to move on. Then ping, and you get that text. Your heart leaps. He returned! He wants me!
At this point, it’s always a good idea to stay calm and grounded. If your head is spinning, don’t send a reply just yet. Take a moment to focus and think for yourself.
2. Be clear about what you want
When you’re feeling centered, present, and calm, take a moment to ask yourself how you really feel about the situation and him.
Does this guy really fit your idea of an emotionally mature man? What are the chances of him doing it again? Does this man have the ability to establish a long-term, healthy and stable relationship?
Is he really worth your time? (Spoiler alert, 95% of the time not worth it.)
At this point, you can decide several things.
You can choose to give him the benefit of the doubt. You may decide you can do better, but you still want some sort of closure. Or you can choose to ignore it altogether.
3. Communicate with Confidence
If you’ve decided you want to send a message back. So, it’s important to respond to your text in a calm and positive way, but very assertive.
Keep in mind that a response that you might consider cute and cheeky is often perceived as more passive-aggressive. And it almost never arrives the way you want. Whatever your end game, remember that you will catch more flies with honey.
4. Don’t act as nothing happened
I know many women who are afraid to ask big questions or tell a man how they really feel.
They worry that if they don’t control themselves, he’ll just go away again.
I’ve even heard some dating coaches recommend that if you really like the guy just act like “nothing happened”. Because you’re just going to create drama and kick him out.
Well, I wish you good luck!
Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, communication, openness, and sincerity.
Acting like nothing happened, like it didn’t hurt when this guy just disappeared without saying a word isn’t true to a healthy relationship.
In my experience, the situations that arise in dating are the perfect way to practice healthy relationship skills. Which, in this case, is to establish limits and standards of communication.
Yes, these conversations can challenge you or feel difficult. But healthy communication is a skill that gets easier with practice. Once you learn this, you will be better able to communicate in a way that is good for both parties.
Still afraid you’ll push him away? Think of it this way, if you communicate with complete integrity and that guy disappears again. The truth is, he would never come first. So really you have nothing to lose.
5. What to say if you want to know why he disappeared
Wanting to break up or feeling like you deserve some sort of explanation as to why he disappeared is perfectly natural. If this is your case, it’s best to call, but you can also feel free to communicate by text. But don’t go too deep into the text.
It will only serve to confuse him and things could eventually get worse. If you think this might happen, call him.
Be warned that the termination option is never as satisfying as you want it to be. Especially if somewhere deep down you secretly hoped it was all just a mistake. That he’s full of regret and really wants you after all.
Let’s say he sent you a version of…. “Hi”, “Hi, how are you” or “How are you?”.
Your example response: “Hey! I am well thank you. I haven’t heard from you in a while, what have you been up to? …”
This is polite but assertive. He knows you won’t pretend he’s not gone. But with that wording, he has an easy opportunity to let you know where he’s been.
Then, when he feels like you’ve started your answer, you can kindly let him know that you won’t be giving him another chance.
That while you really enjoy spending time with him, you don’t see him as someone who has the emotional maturity you look for in a partner. Then, set a threshold that you prefer that he respects your request and ends all communications with you.
6. When he disappears and reappears, let him go
You might not want to hear this, but in my experience, letting him go without any explanation is usually the best option. Awesome 95% of the time.
Men who disappear and reappear don’t usually offer the breakup you think you need.
You’ll never really know why, in a way, that’s really good. Because, anyway, feeling rejected is not good. It doesn’t matter the reason.
Ignore. Delete. block. Move on. Let him go.
There may be several excuses for him to disappear and then come back. But that doesn’t make him right for you.
It’s okay to say no to what you don’t want, so you can say yes to what you want.
Men who deserve your time and attention won’t fantasize about you and reappear out of nowhere later. They won’t play. They live being sincere. Your actions match your words. They will get them to communicate with you. A man who can maintain a healthy partnership with you will treat him as a priority, not an option.
Now you know what to do when he reappears after disappearing. Never settle for less than you deserve. Don’t settle for men who only give you crumbs. Look for the man who shows that he respects you, and that he values your time and attention.