For me it was always one of the most painful feelings of all: being madly in love. And I think you’ve already felt this:
The world is going dark, you miss this great woman terribly and you just don’t know what to do. The fatal: the situation seems hopeless like a maze and you feel paralyzed.
In a situation like this, a good friend always helped me get my thoughts back on the table. He comforted me and showed me a way out when I was sadly in love as a man.
I’d like to be this good friend to you right now. In this article, I would like to give you valuable tips and tell you what you can do to quickly leave this bad emotional chaos behind.
In love with a woman: how do you feel
I still remember the first time I fell madly in love with a woman – my classmate. I was 16 at the time and I cried phlegm and water when she stump me after school.
The girl didn’t want me because she already had a boyfriend and I wasn’t her type at all (which she rubbed under my nose in a very “charming” way… kids can be so cruel).
Clever quotes from parents and friends don’t help either. Back then, I heard so many times, “Other mothers have beautiful daughters too.” How I always hated those words in the past!
The next few weeks with this unhappy love were one of terror. I felt a deep pain in my heart every day when I saw her at school.
Being terribly in love, I was tormented by a deep desire to be very close to this wonderful person. He wanted to exchange tenderness with her and share life. At the same time, I knew I could never have this woman.
This inner contradiction created a feeling that almost destroyed me.
What are the most common reasons for an unhappy love
Every man experiences something like this at some point. After all, there can be many reasons why two people – husband and wife – can’t find each other – because love is a complicated issue. In the blog articles linked below, I will therefore help you in special situations:
- She may not be into you and just want friendship.
- She has a boyfriend or is even married.
- You are married or in a relationship and you want to remain loyal to your wife or girlfriend.
- You are co-workers and cannot or do not want to relate to each other at work.
- She is your best friend and doesn’t want to ruin your good friendship.
- The distance between their places of residence is so great that a long-distance relationship is out of the question.
- The age difference between you is very big.
If you are unfortunately in love with your best friend, I will also clarify with you here if a male-female friendship can work.
And if you just broke up with your girlfriend, I will tell you here how you can win back your ex-girlfriend or finally get over the pain of separation.
Forget it or is there a chance?
Not always everything is so dark and hopeless. And no, you don’t have to give up and abandon your sweetheart right away if you’re unfortunately in love as a man.
It’s worth trying your luck one last time and expressing your interest through an offensive flirtation.
Maybe it’s not an unhappy love, but a secret love? And you don’t even know how lucky she is to have a suitor? If you’re secretly in love, you can find help in this article.
But I have a big request for you: if the woman now gives you a final no, accept that instead of begging for love and chasing her for weeks (see below)!
What you definitely shouldn’t do right now!
When you’re on an emotional roller coaster like you are right now, there are a lot of things you can do as a man that you might later regret. So you don’t go completely headless next time, I’d like to give you the 5 most important tips on what to keep your hands off.
1. Chasing the woman and begging for love
I think we all make the mistake, especially as young people: we couldn’t take no and we chased the woman for days or weeks. According to the motto: Hope dies last. Don’t send flowers and cuddly teddy bears or pick them up at her apartment door to ask them to give you another chance. Stalking on Facebook is also a mistake!
These advances will only make things worse. Not only do you frighten the woman with this intrusive behavior, but you also hurt yourself by tormenting yourself at the sight of the loved one and giving yourself unrealistic hopes. Proximity is very toxic for you when you’re madly in love… Besides, if she’s taken, you don’t want to be blamed if she has partner issues, do you?
2. Judge yourself or regret past actions
Don’t tell yourself that you just weren’t “good enough” for the woman or that you’re a failure that doesn’t resonate with the opposite gender. You are fine the way you are and you did your best. If she doesn’t recognize your qualities or doesn’t like you in any other way, it just doesn’t fit between you.
Even remorse will not help you in this case. It makes no sense to meditate on what you could have done differently to win this woman over to you. If you didn’t really fit in, it would certainly always have resulted in the same result.
3. Consuming unhealthy foods, drinks, or worse
Some people start eating candy, ice cream, and other unhealthy things to distract themselves from the pain. This food is not good for your stomach, at least not for your body. Needless to say, you should keep your hands off other harmful things…
4. Lock yourself at home or fall into blind activism
Those who are hopelessly in love often feel paralyzed and don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. This can extend to severe depression, for which you should definitely seek professional help. The problem with this inactivity: the thoughts continually revolve around the loved one and your own suffering, so it is incredibly difficult to let go.
On the other extreme: some people react just the opposite and get into frantic activity when they fall madly in love. You run on the treadmill at the gym and play sports to exhaustion, redecorate your apartment every day or book an overnight cruise. These rash actions are not really good for your health.
5. Establish a “cult” around unhappy love
There must be people who just don’t want to give up their supposed “great love”, but continue to secretly love the woman – and that for years. True to the motto: “If not in real life, at least it belongs to me in my imagination.” These men cultivate a personality cult around their “goddess” that they can never have for themselves.
They do everything to be at least spiritually close to their loved ones. These men ask mutual friends, for example, how this woman is doing, what she is doing, etc., and keep items of hers as souvenirs. Some even post pictures of the lady to think about her as soon as possible. I don’t need to explain to you that something like this can’t be healthy.
Unfortunately in love: what helps now is letting go – 8 tips
Even if it’s painful: learning to let go is the best tip I can give you in this blog article. Because if you keep looking for the woman’s closeness and give yourself unrealistic hopes, the torment of the soul gets worse and worse. Now I’m going to show you what helps you gain distance.
1. Keep your distance – or even break contact?
As has been said, closeness is like poison for your soul – because seeing the woman constantly can be extremely painful for you and even make you sick in the long run. So stay as far away from her as possible! If you feel really bad in her presence, you should even break off contact – if that’s possible. So no more Facebook calls or messages, no more meetings. You can also spend your lunch break at work with other colleagues in the future.
Maybe the woman wonders why you’re suddenly limiting contact if she doesn’t already know that you’re unfortunately in love with her. You have to weigh yourself if you’re going to tell her her secret. Of course, it could be that she is completely surprised and falls from the clouds. A possible friendship between you can also be considerably damaged by this confession.
2. Put the memories in boxes and lock them
We often still have things at home that remind us of the woman: of course, photos in albums, but also the greeting cards, the book she gave us, or the fluffy bath towel with the penguin on it. All these memories trigger painful feelings when we have to bear the sight of her daily.
You should put these belongings in boxes and keep them under the bed or in the drawers so you don’t have to see them again. You can put the photos on an external flash drive/hard drive and delete them from your cell phone or computer. Once you’ve gotten over your lack of love, you can bring those things up again and think of the pain-free woman – as a past chapter in your life.
3. Seek distraction from friends, sports, and hobbies
The best soul balm with love is called distraction. Be a good friend to yourself and do all the things that are good for you during these difficult days and weeks. It can be a relaxing bath, a hike in the mountains, or reading a good book. Especially when you neglect your free time due to work stress, there is certainly plenty to do.
Spending time with friends can also go a long way in helping you to finally forget about this woman and allow your feelings for her to subside. My friends have always been an important support for me – thanks to them I was able to get up again when I was desperate on the floor. Go out with friends, do fun things and mess with them a little. So you can quickly get other thoughts.
4. Listening to good songs to help get over love
Almost every song is in some way about the theme of man and woman, difficult relationship boxes, and of course also about unfulfilled love. Listen to the songs you like and take positive suggestions with you from the lyrics. You will hear and understand that many other men feel the same way as you do – and that there is always a way out of this misery!
5. Watch good movies where love has a happy ending
Love movies can also be a great comfort. Of course, you shouldn’t accept everything the movies show at face value. Caution should be exercised in the case of sweet Hollywood movies that arouse false expectations. How many times do you see guys who stalk a woman for weeks, give her expensive gifts, and in the end, she still says yes? Something like that only works in the movies!
6. Collect phrases that give you comfort and confidence
Inspirational sayings about passion can be found in many places: on the Internet, on calendars, or simply with good friends who really understand something about the subject. These phrases and ideas can help you find solace and new courage to face life. So collect these words and write them down to recharge your batteries. You can also hang it big on the wall so you can always look at it if you’re feeling particularly unwell.
7. Remove the rose-colored glasses, through which you can see your “goddess”
When we are in love, we look at our “object of desire” through rose-colored lenses and place them on a three-foot-tall pedestal. We envision a dream life with this person in a way Hollywood couldn’t do better. Through this transfiguration, however, we hide all the negative sides and we don’t want to see that a relationship with this woman – for whatever reason – never has a future.
So now it’s time to take off your pink glasses and throw them away in a high arc. Remember: she is not the right one, otherwise, you would have met! Think about whether there are things you don’t like about this woman – and that you just haven’t wanted to admit until now. Is she erratic, vain, and self-centered? Also consider what other circumstances would preclude a possible relationship, for example, the fact that she lives far away or doesn’t want to have children.
Important: the point here is not to judge this person. You just have to make it clear why this doesn’t fit between you and why it’s not worth clinging to love.
8. The best recipe: in search of new happiness in love!
Yes, we all know annoying sayings like “Every pot has its lid” or “Other mothers have beautiful daughters too”. Still, it’s true: the best distraction is the new women we meet.
How far this can go, you decide for yourself. A little flirting is enough to get you all ready completely out of your mind to break free and a fresh start to start.
So, go to the pulsating life, for example, for the night and meet new women if you are madly in love.
You’ll see: there really are other wonderful girls and she, who you think about so often with longing, isn’t the only one.