Afraid of love? I do not! The right person wasn’t there yet. And I’m sorry I have to kiss a bunch of frogs first, so I’d rather be alone until the prince arrives. I’m not ready for a serious relationship yet. Do these thoughts sound familiar to you? Or maybe you’ve been in love recently but are afraid of a relationship and don’t dare reveal your feelings to the other?
Perhaps, even after the last failed relationship, you’ve been resignedly thinking, “I just can’t relate.” All these situations can be indications of this subliminal feeling.
3 common reasons for fear of falling in love
There can be several reasons why you are afraid of love. It is often based on past experience. If you see yourself as disabled or mixed, it might help to ask yourself what exactly you’re afraid of. The most common reasons are the fear of getting hurt and the fear of losing something.
The fear of being hurt by love
Who loves is vulnerable. The other person’s opinion suddenly becomes infinitely important. Rejection would be a catastrophe and trust is in ruins. The way to admit the need to help with the lack of love and to return to the joy of life is long and rocky. So it’s best to save yourself from everything and not let great feelings arise in the first place. Feather! Because then you are giving up so many opportunities to be happy at heart.
The fear of losing freedom and individuality
Anyone who is afraid of love might think that a relationship changes everything. Your whole life is turned upside down and you are forced to compromise over and over again. Spontaneity gets lost and you have to make compromises all the time. In the end, there is no longer an “I”. Those who hate this idea will internally defend themselves against any relationship and opt for supposed freedom and individuality. The fear of losing something can also be the background to the fear of attachment. No more flirting, no more self-assertion, no more adventures. “Give me more time!” Or “I’m not ready for a serious relationship yet” are typical phrases when your counterpart is afraid of falling in love.
The fear of being abandoned
Anyone who has been permanently single and has finally found their dream partner is often terrified of losing their loved one again. Especially when self-confidence is not particularly strong, the fear quickly arises that we will disappoint others’ expectations. Separation anxiety is inevitable, we fail, we are unlovable. You prefer not to get involved in the relationship. So you don’t have to laboriously sweep away the fragments of the self-image. You are afraid of love because you can already see its end coming.
Fight the fear of love with these tips
Fear is a basic instinct that protects people and is therefore basically a good thing. Being in love but being afraid of a relationship prevents us from having beautiful and fulfilling experiences. So defeating that feeling can only make us happier. Face it! The following strategies can help you with this.
- Strengthening self-confidence against the fear of love: Only those who love themselves can allow themselves to be loved. It’s probably not the first time you’ve heard this, but it’s absolutely correct: when you’re at peace with yourself, you lose the idea of not being able to meet your partner’s expectations. You know you’re adorable as a person and you don’t wonder how anyone could fall in love with you in the first place. If you want to lose the fear of love, you must first allow love for yourself.
- Researching Fears: Admit to yourself that you are in love but are afraid of a relationship and don’t suppress the feeling with the thought “I just need my freedom!” Ask yourself what exactly you are afraid of and how realistic this is. The situation actually occurs. What do you gain from evasion tactics, what protects you, and what do you lose? It is worth it? Is the fear of love based on bad experiences and past hurts? Then ask yourself what the problem was in the relationship and what exactly the cause was. Sometimes deep fears have their roots in childhood. Maybe your parents argued a lot or made you feel like you needed to earn their love first.
- Talk, Talk, Talk: If you’re afraid of love, think about what‘s holding you back from the great adventure. What do you think you “have to” do in a relationship? What supposed compulsions do you run away from? Talk to someone you trust or your partner about it! Certainly, this fear turns out to be unfounded.
- Tip: If, on the other hand, you feel like you need to bend over backwards to have a partner, you should end this relationship because the person doesn’t suit you.
- Discard negative thoughts: Anyone who is afraid of falling in love often has negative thoughts like “She’s too good for me and she’s going to leave me anyway” or “Why should he notice me?” actively train them with positive thinking. Have a different point of view. This may seem strange to you at first, but over time a new pattern of thinking solidifies and you go through life more optimistically. Instead of thinking, “She’s going to leave me anyway,” you think, “I’m curious to see where this journey will lead.”
- Afraid of love? To jump into the cold water! : Gather all your courage and embark on a great adventure. You have little to lose and a lot to gain! A true partnership sets you free, broadens your horizons, and allows you to grow. Limitations and compulsions do not belong in a love relationship. So don’t be afraid to fall in love: jumping off the deep end is definitely worth it!
Conclusion: Overcoming the fear of love – this is how you can do it
Anyone who wants a romantic relationship, but is also afraid of falling in love, faces a real dilemma. Lack of self-esteem due to bad experiences in the past, worries about losing independence or losing something can be triggers. It’s a shame, because with this avoidance tactic you don’t protect yourself, but exclude the great love of your life. The feeling of being so close to someone that you can understand each other without words. Having someone to laugh about the same things with, to venture out with, or to relax with. It is worth facing and overcoming your fear of love.
You can help yourself with these strategies:
- Strengthen your self-confidence and be sure: you are adorable.
- Explore your fears: where do they have their roots?
- Share your fears about relationships.
- Let go of negative expectations and thoughts and think more optimistically.
- Take the initiative! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
It is not easy to overcome the fear of falling in love and having a stable relationship. But with a little courage and optimism, you will definitely make it. It’s in your own hands.